Dear Lisi: I have a very good personal relationship with my aunt who lives abroad. We stay in touch via WhatsApp and video calls when time zone permits.
For a few years, my great-aunt fell into the black hole of the internet. I’m on the receiving end of the worst conspiracy theory videos on YouTube. The content of these videos is wrong and fits a particular worldview that I do not subscribe to. A few years ago I refused to let her know that while I loved hearing from her, I didn’t want her to send these messages because they would affect my mental health. For a while, it all stopped.
But here it goes again: The messages she sent me were from right-wing conspiracy content producers. What broke me apart was that she sent me some information about Canada and how minorities have so much influence. That’s it. I included in my reply a note about our Charter of Rights and Freedoms and how democracy works. I emphasize that all of this is positive, especially because it means everyone is protected.
I don’t really know what else I need to do or say without issuing an official cease and desist.
Frustration with error messages
I feel for you. I have a friend in the United States who is also a TikTok fan and conspiracy theorist. During the COVID-19 pandemic, he sent me daily videos about the origins and causes of the virus, how Big Pharma planned it all, and how the vaccines will destroy you. I told him in no uncertain terms to stop sending them. He did, and our friendship returned to normal for the time being.
Now I keep getting videos of every violent protest around the world. I had to ask him again to stop. He didn’t, so I stopped him.
My advice is to call your great aunt and emphasize how much you love her. Then tell her to please stop messaging you and explain that if she doesn’t, you’ll block her for your own sense of peace and mental health.
Have you noticed any other changes in her behavior, physical and/or mental health? My only concern is that hopefully there is someone close to her and who cares about her who can and will make sure she is well while you two are not communicating.
don’t worry. You will find your way back to her.
Dear Liz: A few years ago I met a woman through a friend. We realized we had a lot in common, knew a lot of the same people, and had never crossed paths before. We quickly became close as we both worked downtown and commuted together frequently. We often meet for lunch.
We stayed close during the pandemic and maintained our friendship after it was over, even though neither of us anymore worked the same schedule or the same job.
Recently, however, I realized that every time we talked, she would share a secret with me—hers or someone close to her—and make it a point that I couldn’t tell anyone. I’m pretty good at keeping secrets, but that’s not my problem. I don’t want to know all these things about her or her friends, especially because they don’t want me to know.
How should I be nice to her?
safe secret
I know you know in your heart what you need to do…it’s just hard to do. By asking for my advice, I’m validating and empowering you, and I’m more than happy to do that.
You just need to say to her: Please don’t tell me any more secrets. It makes me uncomfortable to know these things about your friends and family. complete.
feedback About Grieving Friends (February 13):
Reader – “You suggest asking the grieving person what they need or want. Many grieving people are often unable to express needs or wishes. My advice is to just do this – bring dinner over, bring flowers, drop by Coffee and cookies, offers to go for walks, etc.”
retired pastor
feedback About Evergreen Romance (February 20):
Reader – “Based on my experience, I can say that your advice is spot on. If these words are exposed, the letter writer risks permanently damaging a good relationship. Once trust is lost, it can be difficult to restore.”
feedback About The Lonely Lady (February 21):
Reader – “Welcome to adulthood. Some (many) things don’t go as expected. But you never know unless you try.
“Take what you know about yourself now and apply it in the future. Find a roommate in the future.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your questions to lisi@thestar.ca