A Facebook user recently made an interesting request: to find her husband so she can divorce him.
“Last year, when I was pregnant with our youngest and he decided he no longer wanted to be a husband and father, he just disappeared, like without a trace,” Ashley McGuire said in wrote about her MIA spouse, revealing his name. “He moved somewhere out of state and changed his phone number.”
People on the Internet did rally to her request, rolling up their sleeves and arguing with him—hundreds of messages filled her inbox—but some acted more than she expected.
“Please know that I really don’t wish him any ill will,” McGuire added. “I sincerely appreciate your support, but please do not threaten, spread hate or try to go out and look for him.”
Add this incident to the trend emerging on social media, where internet sleuths are leaving no stone unturned to find strangers they deem worthy of public humiliation. Some people took to TikTok to accuse their plane seat companions of cheating on their spouses; others posted detailed transcripts of meetings with men at bachelor parties to alert their fiancées of their infidelity. “Are we dating the same person?“The Facebook group warns women about allegedly toxic men.
While it may seem largely well-intentioned, experts say becoming an amateur social media detective isn’t the best idea because you could end up doing more harm than good.
“They feel justified in invading the privacy of the person accused of the crime because they have accepted the truth of the story and therefore prematurely judge the person as guilty and undeserving,” said psychologist Reneé Carr. Privacy.”
“What happens in Vegas no longer stays in Vegas”
In the past, family problems existed inside the house. Secrets have always been secrets. But “in our digital world, the rules have changed,” said Brad Fulton, associate professor of management and social policy at Indiana University Bloomington. “What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas.” Who can blame people for enjoying some drama that’s not their own?
“We enjoy participating in the chaos of other people’s lives, in part because it makes us feel better about our own lives,” said Erica Chito-Childs, senior associate dean of the College of Arts and Sciences at Hunter College. Good, and/or resonant with other people’s lives.” Thanks to more accurate algorithms, we’re firmly for or against. “
A quick snap from a camera or even watching someone open an app is fodder for a nosy observer to pick up the details of someone’s life. There was nothing stopping them from posting about it – people were quick to join the discussion in an attempt to right the alleged wrong.
Elsewhere on TikTok:This woman’s take on why wives stop having sex with their husbands went viral. Is she right?
“Trap” mentality
Yes, everyone loves black and white narratives. Good guys, bad guys. But these narratives are rarely true and most fall into a gray area. Today’s era of cancel culture doesn’t always allow for that.
Carr added: “With the birth of cancel culture and the rise of self-entitlement, a large segment of society has adopted a ‘gotcha’ mentality and hypersensitivity to offense and any notion of injustice. “For social media audiences, Say, even more so.”
This is why ordinary people and celebrities alike often fall victim to the social media mob at the suggestion of scandal. People who have nothing to do can easily find some satisfaction by achieving things within their control.
“When a jilted lover or victim of extreme racism calls on social media detectives to find the offender, it gives detectives an opportunity to satisfy their need for self-esteem and human connection, and diverts excitement from their daily lives. Attention,” Carr said. “They see this as both an opportunity to feel a sense of belonging to a group and a chance to experience a sense of purpose — to help achieve justice.”
Have you heard of this?What is the Doritos theory? Could it explain your worst habits?
Don’t “rush to follow the trend”
However, be warned: Scouting can have negative consequences. Fulton added: “Sharing sensitive information that a person intended to keep private may have a detrimental impact on that person’s mental health and may put them at risk of harassment, bullying or physical harm.” Simply because we have a faster The tools to find people—that is, the fact that we don’t have to go door-to-door scouring phone books but instead rush to perform a quick Google search—doesn’t mean we should.
“I would strongly caution others not to jump on the bandwagon, pick sides, and jump to conclusions when you have limited information,” said Chase Cassine, a licensed clinical social worker. “Because you A flawed, biased and one-sided view may be seen. Relevant information is withheld or omitted.”
So the next time you think about joining a social media mob, consider whether you’re the one being laughed at. Even if you were guilty in some way, would you need those piles of stuff to feel scary?
Probably not.