hello. It’s Friday afternoon, everyone is talking loudly about Dragon’s Dogma 2, and I’m going to tell you something slightly disgusting. It’s about Stardew Valley. People compete to drink the mayonnaise inside as quickly as possible.
Yes, this is apparently life right now.
First, here’s some background on how we got here. In 2016, Stardew Valley became all the rage. In March 2024, we learned that drinking mayonnaise will become a trend in Stardew Valley. Then, with the release of Stardew Valley 1.6 update, it became a thing. Then, a lot of people flocked to the game, probably for the mayonnaise. Now, people are learning how quickly they can get their hands on mayonnaise and drink it. Soon, we will all be dead.
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Seriously though, white liquid guzzling speedruns are a thing now (thanks GamesRadar) and they’re so much fun, assuming you can get through the whole white liquid guzzling section without snickering, which I can’t . If you can, here’s a sub-20 minute mayonnaise-based Stardew speedrun for you to watch, produced by a streamer named LarkyLovesYou_, I mean, I didn’t ask them if they do this, but okay.
As you might expect, the strategy involved in the Mayo Speedrun is very simple. You wake up and you start gathering the ingredients you need to make a mayonnaise machine, uh, some mayonnaise using it, through some farming and mining, you know, typical Stardew Valley stuff. This was LarkyLovesYou_’s fourth run attempt and took 17 minutes and 31 seconds, making it one of the easiest speed runs I’ve seen to date.
Mainly because Baldur’s Gate 3 is so fast right now, it’s a bit like watching someone fresh out of a nightclub bathroom with a bloody nose and lots of energy trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube.
Regardless, this runner isn’t the only one currently trying something like this. Apparently there’s a Stardew Valley Speedruns Discord server in which someone using Seapickle5, which is the name of Club Penguin – sorry – currently holds the world record of 17 minutes and 6 seconds.
The group is currently trying to convince the folks at Speedrun.com to add Mayo% to Stardew’s established list of meme speedrun categories, which includes Posh% and Underwearsoup%. The first is proving you’re a classy gentleman by doing something funky quickly, and I think the latter is making soup in pants, so yeah, these mayonnaise people aren’t as weird as I first thought.